My name is Karen Yan. I am in 9th grade, and I go to Lambert High School. I grew up in ACCCN. I didn’t really understand why I went to church. It was just a part of my schedule every Sunday. I think I just went to hang out with my friends.

In 8th grade, I disliked awkwardness. After serving at Vacation Bible School and attending winter retreat, I said that I would never want to go again. I thought people wouldn’t want to see me because I thought I messed up greatly. I didn’t know most of the discussion questions at winter retreat, and some people in my group called me quiet. I ended up being really sad, and every small thing I did wrong made me sad inside.

I still enjoyed spending time with my Christian friends, and I was really touched by all the testimonies. I felt that God was there with me during worship. Everyone singing with so much faith made me feel certain that there is really a God. During praise, everyone was really into it. It felt so real with everyone singing. It felt like everyone was truly worshipping a true God. However, I felt like I was a fake person when I was singing. I didn’t really feel anything. I also didn’t know any of the discussion questions during Bible time.

Now, I know that I just needed to read the Bible more and spend more time with God to get the answers that I wanted. I had a huge desire to know who I really am. I realized that I was judging my church community. I felt so guilty and asked God for forgiveness for a long time. I thought about how bad I am. Then, it hit me — I realized that I was a sinner.

After a few months, I realized that I was too proud of myself; I thought I could do anything. But without God, I am nothing. Today, I still think about the past and the awkward moments that happened in my life, but now I know that I should have a mindset that the world is behind me and that Christ is before me. I definitely will be going to Vacation Bible School and winter retreat again.

I also started to see how different I was from others. Quarantine was a great time to slow down and think about my life. God told me that I shouldn’t take things for granted and that I needed to be more thankful. God also made me think about all the deaths that happened due to COVID-19. I realized that I am so blessed that I am still alive and that I still have a chance to spread the gospel with others. I also remembered that I didn’t have any type of illness.

God reminded me about all my non-Christian and Christian friends, and I realized that I needed to help them and love them more. I remember my favorite Bible verse from 1 Corinthians 13:4: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” Now I know that I just need to look to God when I am struggling. I need to completely rely on God, seek His peace with humbleness, and be more thankful.